i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
