I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
