so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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