You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
...so i touched it.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
