haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
