is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize