i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
