cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
