matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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