still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
