Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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