Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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