Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
