You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
