So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
