angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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