I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
