the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
