Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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