you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Houston, we have a squirter
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
