So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
This is my gift to your gina
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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