Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
