girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
pop tarts are not kleenex
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
