Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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