No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
