Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
We named our party play list daddy issues
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
