that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
It's like God shit irony all over that family
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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