wrigley field is MILF paradise
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
