From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
