i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize