i may or may not be watching the land before time
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
