doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
