he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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