I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
So squirting runs in the family.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
