Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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