May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He passed out mid-signature
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
