sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
