I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
