Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Randomize
