No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
