Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
