you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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