At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
