Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
