So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
