Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Randomize
