We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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