Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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