I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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