that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
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