my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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