You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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