just come out here and I will go home with you...
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
