i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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