you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
