when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
