dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
