he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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