she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
