so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
