why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
