what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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