he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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