honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
