I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
