In the future we'll all be gay
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
