Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
