its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
