How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
