I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
