just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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