i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
