He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
