I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
