In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
