You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I hate all girls vehemently.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
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