she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
