i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
She announced her abortion via fbk
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
