I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
