he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
