By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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