This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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