Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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