It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
