WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
