ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize