I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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