The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
