I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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