She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
