what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
