he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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