what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
