I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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