why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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