Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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