wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
