i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
