Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
